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Tuesday, November 12th, 2002

Time Event
1:00p
Devil's Advocate
I dislike argument. I've never liked it, really. Even when I was heavily into usenet, and got into one of those huge year-long point-by-point inline response monstrosities that it seems prone to, I always argued through a miasma of discomfort. But I still did it, constantly, because I felt forced.

I don't understand how people could like arguing. The thought that people like that exist fills me with a mixture of amazement, revulsion and dread, sort of like finding out that every second person at work is actually a Shoggoth. Only (presumably) less intense.

And yet, every time I'm confronted with a philosophical assertion, or a judgement call, or a political view, I find myself burning with a desire to defend the opposite position. Sometimes, even if I agree with it! The only things that can hold me back are (a) someone else arguing the other side so that I don't have to, or (b) if I can convince myself that yes, if I disagree strongly with eveyone, they're going to defend themselves, and yes, that means it'll turn into an argument, and yes, I'll hate it and them and myself and the world.

(b) relies on vigilance and willpower, though, neither of which has ever been my strong point. I don't have the willpower to resist staying on the toilet reading the last ten chapters of a book, even if it means I'll be two hours late to work. And my butt will get sore. Apparently.

Current Mood: contrary
3:03p
...it's a sign of the times
The sprinklers outside my window suddenly started spraying a strange white mist into the air. My first thought, of course, was 'nerve gas', and now I'm sort of feeling all light-headed and dizzy, at the 'am I just imagining this?' intensity, of course. Which means it isn't nerve gas, because if it was I'd be feeling dead.

Isn't hypochondria fun? }:)

Current Mood: doomed

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