Terrycloth (terrycloth) wrote,
Terrycloth
terrycloth

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Mary Suicidal Tendencies

Feeling very... well, I've been saying 'blah', but that's not exactly right. It's a stress thing, not a depression thing. Background levels of stress from several really-not-all-that-stressful things are stacking and reducing my sanity by enough that I notice. I'm not going to list them all again, since I've complained about each separately already, except that, checking my lease, it's up for renewal in May. I probably should have just let myself be surprised by that.

Whenever I get like this I start getting escapist fantasies -- I want someone to come into my life and save me from all my worries. I'll daydream about it, or turn off all the lights and peer into the corners of the room, trying to imagine that the shadows on the wall are really a spiky demonic creature here to devour me...

Er, yeah. Did I ever mention that most of my daydreams end in death or prison? Most of my escapist fantasies *start* with death or prison. I guess it sort of makes sense, since anything that left me alive and free would sort of by definition leave me able to fulfill the responsibilities I'm stressing over. And so solve nothing. v.v

Of course, the 'prison' ones are a lot more appealing than the 'death' ones, especially since they aren't literally prison so much as 'kidnapped away to a magical world' or whatnot.

"I wish the goblin king *would* come and take me away. Right now!"
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