I didn't ask for a new computer, but I had to admit when put on the spot that my current PC was slowing me down at work, so they gave me a new one.
Now I have to set it up.
There were three VGA ports on the back of the thing, and while the 'user manual' that came with it was 68 pages long, it turned out to have not a single page of setup instructions -- it was all legal documentation describing the terms of the warrantee, and safety recommendations that if not followed would void the warrantee. I wish I was making that up.
The personalized setup instructions specific for corpnet started out 'step 1: boot XP and select 'blah' at the wizard...'.
As it turned out, the correct VGA port to use was not any of the three -- it was the DVI port, for which you needed to get a VGA-to-DVI adapter.
Then, after installing all the windows updates twice (automatic updates downloaded them while they were downloading from the windows update site), I made the mistake of trying to use the 'file and settings transfer' wizard, which 'collected information on the files to transfer' for three hours before realizing that it couldn't connect to the target computer, at which point it unceremoniously quit to desktop after a curt 'Your time has been completely wasted. [OK]' alert.
So it's back to plan A, where I install each application separately, then share out the drives and move the files by hand. The fun part is going to be getting the SD enlistment to be in the same state on the new computer as on the current one, though... and modifying all my perl scripts so that I can see the new computer from my Mac.