The first time it ever happened, I was freaked out because I thought someone was eating me in my sleep, but so far I’ve always woken up not eaten yet. If you are eating me in my sleep, please don’t eat me!
If you’re hallucinations, then it’s okay to eat me. I don’t mind being eaten by pretend.
Anyway, I’m going to get back to the story of how I got myself into this mess. It wasn’t an hour later that I was casting about through the forest, trying to follow Brighteyes’ memories home, when I ran smack into a torch-wielding mob of herethroy kids.
Well, they probably thought they were wielding clubs. Yeesh! Kids today have no sense of style. I lit them all on fire for them, though, and then they were a proper mob. They even started shouting in alarm! I hadn’t even realized that they were all being way too quiet for a mob until they started shouting and it was like ‘doh! How could I forget that?’
“What did you do with Brighteyes!” shouted one of them, brandishing her flaming torch like a flaming torch, and not dropping it or putting it out in the snow, like some of the others were. It wasn’t Raspberry. I think her name is Candyice? She was a lot older, and kind of fighty – I could tell that it would take quite a lot to get her out of her body.
“Where are you keeping her?” asked another one. THAT was Raspberry. Most of the kids assumed that I’d killed the little girl, but somehow Raspberry was completely convinced that Brighteyes was still alive! Weird.
“I sent her home a little after you ran off,” I told them, with a toothy grin, “You haven’t found her yet?”
That somehow made them all attack me. I’m not sure how that works. I can watch it happening, but it still makes no sense to me. People are weird.
It was a fun fight. They were trying to beat me with flaming clubs, which is kind of unfair since I’m not really hurt by fire. So to make it fair I stuck to scratching and biting, which doesn’t do much of anything against herethroy chitin unless you go for a vulnerable spot, and I wasn’t. There were only a couple of them that were really into fighting, with the rest just wanting to hang out nearby and pretend they were involved, so I kept charging the spectators to see if they’d at least swing their clubs in self-defense. Most of them would.
There was this one girl who turned and ran when I tried that, though… I know, I know. But I’m a slave to convention.
See, this is where they had it all planned out, and she’d run into some prepared ambush, with like a pit with spikes in it, or some nasty bound spells – or at *least* the real warriors of their village, instead of just the kids. Any of those would have been awesome. But no, she was just panicking, and I don’t even think she was running towards the village. Plus the rest of them were taken completely by surprise, and were *way* behind by the time they even thought to start chasing.
Then she ran out onto a frozen lake – it was pretty pathetic, she was using four legs but kept slipping and having to catch herself on her hands, too, and wasn’t making much progress at all. I stopped really chasing just to watch, because it was so sad – just sort of pacing her across the lake as she whimpered and struggled and somehow was convinced that she was making good enough time to outpace me, although I think that was just that she couldn’t imagine I wouldn’t pounce her as soon as I got the chance – she knew she wasn’t making much progress.
Then I melted too much of the ice beneath me, and fell in the water. Seven staring gods, that was so embarrassing, and they were all watching by then. The kids. Not the gods. Although I imagined Hren Tzen facepalming as Flokin sniggered at zir.
I could have done something awfully clever, like boiled the water behind me to launch me through the river to pop up right underneath the girl who thought she’d gotten away, but I wasn’t really very hungry, so I decided to just float around underwater until I washed up on shore somewhere.
Also, I didn’t think of that until just now, which is days later, so… yeah.