Well, I'm not sure they're bedbugs. They're *something* and they're biting me every night and the bites look like mosquito bites in lines up my leg and at least two different online sources say 'yes that's bedbugs'.
I haven't seen any bedbugs, but then I wouldn't. They're *sneaky*. I tried to stay up all night last night with the light on waiting for them so I could go AHA! CAUGHT YOU! But I didn't. Stay up all night. Or see them. Or feel anything crawling on me or biting me. I had three or four new bites in the morning, though.
So I talked to the apartment manager and they were like 'well, it's your fault because you only get bedbugs when you go on vacation to a bedbug infested hotel or bring in new furniture that's infested'. I haven't done anything like that, but it's their *policy* to blame me. They said they'd have the exterminator come in on Thursday to treat them, but first I had to follow this list of steps to prepare.
"Um... I don't think this list is physically possible," was my initial reaction. But I don't really have a choice, so I took off work to try and go down the list and... what the fuck. I don't even know where to start. On further reflection, the things on the list are not physically possible.
Maybe if I get really drunk I can start doing random things related to the steps on the list, and convince myself that it's helping?